One of my big dreams...maybe too big

Getting ready to go back to school, which got pushed back until August because of financial aide issues. I am super excited to be back in a learning enviroment and actually feel like I am heading in a positive direction.

My big dream is to open my own daycare that is more geared or equipt to deal with special needs children.I have worked in several daycares in the past and it always frustrated me to have families come in with special needs children and I knew that the daycare really wasn;t the right place for them. None of the staff other than me had dealt with special needs, changing tables were to high to lift children of that weight, no handicap bathrooms, I could go on and on. Most special needs kids only lasted a couple of weeks in every daycare. My dream is to fix all these problems and to have a place that is safe and nurtures tha needs of each child that comes through the door. I also think that typical children will also benefit from a place that focus on the needs of each child rather than just trying to fit every child into a mold.
So that is my big dream..not sure how I will get there or how long it will take, but I am going to try.

In other news...there is a huge hail storm out side...its super cool!

Yay! for spring time!

As you can tell from me writting this..I survived that horrible flu infection killing virus thing. It took me almost two weeks but I did it :). We are still not sure exactly what it was or I came in contact with it, but I don't ever want it again please.

Here in CO, the weather has been fairly nice. Mostly 60's and 70's. Except for the snow on monday but that was only like an inch and it was gone by the next day. I am in love with sunshine and being outside. So is my dog who loves for me to run when I need her to come in every morning.

Still waiting for insurance to approve my night brace and without my doc doesn't want to order my AFO's. Did I mention how much I hate insurance companies? Hopefully I will here something this week. For now I just wear my temporary brace on my left foot because it is the worst of the two.

I registered for school in the summer, just waiting to see if I can start in may, all depends if financial aide is going to be approved.

Hope all is well with everyone :)

Something is trying to kill me...

This has been a hard two weeks. Last week I got a migraine that would not go away. Well Friday I was sitting at work playing with the girls(remember I am a special needs nanny) and I realized I was freezing. Which was really odd because it was 75 degrees outside and the house shouldn't be cold. I still had my migraine but that was normal for them to last for days. I decided to take my tempature and realized that it was 100 and I checked it an hour later and it was 103. After that it all went down hill. I got really sick and couldn't even stand up. The doctor gave me antibiotic 2000mg a day to be exact. I took them for four days until I woke up with a huge rash and feeling worse than ever! Yep I am allergic to all 2000mg of those antibiotics.

Today I feel a little better, I am at least able to sit up. So I am on day five of feeling awful and can't wait to get out of this stupid bed. So if you could pray that I get over this stupid thing soon.

I did a guest post....check it out!

Cheryl who has a little girl named Jillian who has CP asked me to be a part of one of her CP interviews. It would mean a lot to me if you would check her blog out and check out my interview and let me know what you think. below is the link

http://beautifulsideofhectic.com/2011/03/cerebral-palsy-awareness-post-9/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Beautifulsideofhecticcom+%28beautifulsideofhectic.com%29

Opps..my bad

The other day I was walking in the house and I heard this loud popping noise from my ankle. I didn't think anything of it because my bones pop a lot, something about my muscles moving my bones out of place or something like that the doctor says. Anyway, I was going to see my PT a few days after and I would just mention it to her and see what she thought. Well the next day after the popping noise occurred, my leg and foot started to hurt(I mean more than the normal pain). So when I went to see my PT she looked at it and told me that she was glad and a little freaked out all at the same time. I was confused by this but then she went on to explain and then I understood. She told me that I had torn ligaments in my foot! This is pretty bad because CP has affect this leg and foot so bad already that she is not sure how easily it will heal itself. The good thing is nothing is broke. She made me get a brace that I am not allowed to take off at all until I get my AFO's. She says that if I don't wear the brace there is an extremely high risk of creating a break just by walking :(

So to say its been a little bit of a busy week is an understatment.

In happy news, I am getting signed up to go back to college and get my business management degree :) Big dreams ahead for that!

The Girl Who Stopped Swimming -book review

I have always been a huge lover of books, lately I have started to enjoy this love again. Thanks to a friend I meet through her blog she shares all her favorite books with me, so I add them to my library list. The first book I added to my list was "The Girl That Stopped Swimming."

This was a great book with lots twists and turns to keep me interested. It is about a Lady named Laurel who lives with her husband and daughter in a quiet town. One day her a young girl is found dead in their swimming pool. This situation soon sends Laurels world into a tail spin. She chooses to contact her sister for help and in the process tests her marriage and brings to the services some long buried family secrets.

I think this book needs to be added to everyone's library list.

Coming clean...I am a complete jerk!

So last week after I wrote my post I just had a totally bad feeling. I call these "my way me" feelings. I try not to get them a lot but after talking to the doctors and PT, I was just kind of down. So this is where the why me feeling come in. Why do I have to have CP? Why can't I be a normal 26 year old? Why do I have to wear these braces for the rest of my life? and so on.. See I am a jerk, I know there are so many people who have it way worse than me and that I should be glad that I can even walk. See I feel bad even saying it. Basically I am sorry for my lame mood and poor thinking.

I went to my second PT appointment on Thursday. We worked on my hips and we talked about how my hip joints are shallow therefore not holding my hips in place. She heard them popping in and out and I explained to her that this was a regular accurence. For now I am going to do some hip excercises and keep an eye on things. I am going to get fitted for the night splint next week, the bad thing is my insurance doesn't cover it. I have no clue how I am going to pay for the thing. I was suppose to get one for each foot, but I still have a little movement in the right foot, so I think I am just going to get one for the left foot that has no movement for right now, since I don't think there is anyway I would ever be able to come up with the money for two. The Ankle and Foot orthodics that I will have to wear forever I get in a couple of months and hopefully insurance will cover those.

I will write a book review for you guys this weekend, so stay tuned for that.

First day of PT

Wow today was a long day. Good is that I really like my new Physical Therapist. Her name is Renee and she is around my age. She was super nice and didn't take everything so seriously. Which helps me because CP sucks it is as simple as that, so I need someone that is able to laugh and be as excited for my little accomplishments, and I think she is perfect for that.

So her idea so far is that I will do a lot of excercises. I will also wear a brace on both feet while I sleep and then I will have braces inside my shoes all the time that will stabalize my ankles. Hopefully this will make me stop falling so much.

My doctor wanted to take me over seizure meds for a little while, since I have not seizure for a while. I went without it for two weeks. Results - seizures return and the pressure in my head is lot more noticable. I am going to start taking it again, because I think it does me more harm to be off of it.

I am reading a new book that I love so I am off to read more...Hope everyone had a good monday :)

hmm..how do you re-train a brain you have had for 26 years?

I went to my neurologist yesterday to check on the results of the first Botox injections. I saw results the first couple weeks, but wasn't quite sure I was seeing a difference from then on. The Dr. says she sees a difference especially in the right leg and foot. My left foot has always been worse so she sees a difference but not as significant. I felt good that it seems like we are heading in the right direction, that is until I got the bill in the mail. Every time I get injections (every three month) it will cost me 500 dollars which is with insurance. Ouch!! I am a nanny, I don't make that kind of money! So I am not sure what I am going to do yet.

Our next step is doing extensive PT. The doctor says that my body can no longer handle the way I walk. I hardly put my heels down, walk on the sides of my feet, and do not make smooth transitions from one leg to another. So the PT is going to teach me how to walk correctly and retrain my brain to do things correctly instead of just adapting to what my disability allows me to do.

I am a little afraid of all of this and just a little down because walking seems so easy for everyone and it just isn't for me. But I will figure it out and then I will be the best walker that I can be :) LOL!

Almost done with January

This month wasn't good or bad...I will take it. LOL! Work has kept me really busy this month. Nannying special needs kids alway keeps things in perspective for me, I see what all of my kiddos have to deal with and I realize I don't have it bad at all.

I am not like my PT office. They have canceled on me three times already. The first time they schedule me with a person that has never dealt with someone that has CP. I was to scared to see them because I didn't want them to do something wrong (I felt bad, but I just didn't feel comfortable). So I called my neurologist and she recommended another PT office for me to call. I will call and try and make an appointment with them tomorrow.

I have an appointment to see my neurologist on Friday. She wants to look at my legs and see what the botox injections are doing. I am afraid I won't be able to get another more injections for a really long time because I just got the bill for my last injects and they cost me 500 dollars and thats with insurance. I just don't have that kind of money lying around.

I have a meeting with a school administration to talk about some options for a business management degree. I have been talking to people about the idea of opening a daycare type facility that is more geared toward special needs children. I always have big dreams :)

Hope all is well with everyone!

Angela

First cold of the year..boo

I am currently still working with two special needs families, which is fun but a little exhausting. Starting this week I cut down to only working with one. Great for my energy level, not so great from my bill payments. We shall see how that all plays out.

Its been almost three weeks since my first injections of botox. I notice a difference the first week and a half, but I am not sure if I see much difference now. I meet with my doctor next friday to see if she sees much difference. I also get to see my PT for my legs next monday, so we will see what he suggests. I am still walking on the sides of my feet and be in a fairly good amount of pain most the time.

I am currently battling a cold....kind of feel like I got hit by a very large truck. Work will be a little hard this week :)

I am working on some new drawings and paintings, maybe I will post pictures on here when I am done...I do it for fun....they are not that great lol!

Hope all is well.

Angela

Well hello 2011

Wow where did 2010 go? Not that it was a great year or anything..but it went by super fast. This year I decided to not really make resolutions, but to really just live each day, no wait make that to celebrate each day. I realized this year that I have an amazing family and amazing friends (that includes you blogger friends).

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was insanely busy, but fantastic none the less.

I had my first botox injections last week. Not to sound like a total wimp...but those thinks hurt LOL! The doctor did three injections on each leg. She said it would take a couple days to go into effect. I am not really sure what I am looking for really. I had to change my PT appointment to this coming Tuesday because we had a snow storm come through Colorado and I didn't feel like driving to it last week. So I am hoping this new PT will help tell me what exactly the botox effects look like.

How was everyone's new years? Do anything fun?

Love and hugs

First week down

Oh my gosh...Christmas is in like 3 days! Did I mention I am not done shopping? I know, I know..its totally my fault. I always wait until the last minute.

I got through the first week of my new job. It was a lot to learn, but such a joy to do. Alex is a great little girl. Her happiness is contagious. Seeing her learn even the little things makes me so happy. Her little sister Ryan is still in the eat and sleep stage of life, gotta admit I am kind of jealous :) .

I still do a little work for the old family I worked for, so it is great to still get to see them and be a part of their family. Plus I got an awesome Christmas bonus..which is always nice.

Can't wait to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with my family. I am majorly missing my family members that have passed on...I hope Christmas in Heaven is magical for them too.

Next week: I have two appointments. Tuesday is my first injections of botox in my legs. Still a little scared about this, but we will see. Thursday I will meet my new Physical Therapist and have our first session.

Just because everyone else gets to show off their adorable kids...I am going to show off mine :P ::drum roll please::

Meet my baby girl....Hope! She is my 3 year old Albino Boxer...Yes she is cuddling with a stuffed elephant. Spoiled is her middle name.

Hope and I send you love and hugs this holiday season!

yum...Pumpkin Pie ice cream :)

Okay so the title has nothing to do with my post, but I really want some Pumpkin Pie ice cream. LOL. Have you ever tried it?? If not, you should.

Guess what?? I got the job!! Yay! Does happy dance! I will be watching Alex who has Spinal Bifidia. She is two years old and is a super cute girl. I will also watch her baby sister Ryan who 3 months old. I am excited to start on Wednesday. The family seems great and was really accepting of the fact that I have CP (unlike other families who would not hire me) and saw it as a good thing because I could relate to their daughter. My disability doesn't affect my ability to care for kids, and anything I have trouble with I just adapt it to make it easier for me. I love working with children (typical or non-typical children) and watching them because the best to their abilities. Ever child deserves to have someone who believes in them and I believe in every child I meet (or read about on a blog :) ).

I finally started my Christmas shopping today. I know, I really need to stop waiting until the last minute for this stuff, but I also need to win the lottery for this stuff. No one is really going to get big gifts from me this year because I just don't have the money for it. Medical bills have just drained me this year. I just want to spend the holiday with my mom and my friends. Thats all I need.

I went to my neurology appointment. Always an eventful trip to say the least. First we talked about how the Baclofen really doesn't seem to be doing what it could be for the spacisity. So she gave me a new drug...I can't think of what it is called right now, if you would like to know, just ask and I will look at the bottle for ya. She also thinks that it is time to do Botox injections in my calfs. She knew I was not found of Botox and it is something we have been going back and fourth on for months, but she thinks we are running out of options. The problem is I either walk on the side of my feet or my feet turn all the way in to the center. This is painful and causes me to fall a lot. Its attractive to try and find a boyfriend with bruises all over your body and falling all the time haha :) . She also wants me to go to a PT that specializes in neurological damage. I am just a mess I guess.

I am checking out a few options for school, so I know if I am making the right decision when it comes time to decide whether I want to continue on with the program I am in or not.

Oh and Bree...I sat outside and prayed...got a few answers I needed...thanks <3

Failure...opening other doors?

Been going to school since April to become an OTA has had its ups and downs. Classes have been super hard at some times. The hardest being Anatomy 2. I tried my hardest to make it through it this semester but didn't make it. I ended up with a 75% and needed a 77% to pass. Damn it (excuse my language, but I was so close)!! In my school if you don't pass a class you have to wait for the next group of classes to come through before you can take it again. So basically I have to wait at least six months to go back to school, to take Anatomy 2 again and then I have to join a whole other class to finish out my program. Boo on all sides LOL! I will miss my friends the most, I had a really supportive class this time around and will totally miss seeing them everyday.

Now I am not sure what I am going to do, as six months is a long time away and I live my life one day at a time. Right now I am searching for a new job and that is my priority right now. I have a job interview tomorrow for a nanny job with a special needs child so wish me luck.

As if I will go back to school? maybe, maybe not. Never know what life has in store for me, but I am willing to hold my head high and take things as they come.

I have a neurologist appointment tomorrow...I will also let ya know how that goes lol.

Angela

Gooble Gooble

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!! I am so greatful my friends (that includes my blog friends) and family. I hope everyone has an amazing holiday and I will update my blog either this coming weekend or next week.

Love and hugs,
Angela

Serious post time

Okay so its been a rough weekend and its only saturday.

On Thursday I woke up feeling really sick. My throat felt really sore and my chest hurt. Thank you who ever shared their cold with me (note the sarcasm). Anyway, I tried to stand up and I noticed that my legs felt like they weighed a million pounds and were really wobbly to stand on. I let it go thinking I was just really tired. I called into school and took it fairly easy for the day. Friday it got worse. I could stand on my legs at all. Any pressure on them sent pain through my body. My mom took me to the doctor who really didn't have any clue what it was. But said that she thought it had something to do with my CP. She put me on Lyrica and said to see if that helped. The other thought was that it could have been some of reaction to the flu shot mixed with my CP and medication. Not sure we will ever know the answer.

We need do x-rays and the one thing we did notice is that my hips are getting worse, it looks like bone is rubbing onto bone. So hip surgery maybe in my near future.

Anyway, here is where I need your opinion. My dream is to work with kids with special needs and I will never give up that dream. The problem is currently I am in school to be an Occupational Therapist Assistant. I really like it and I love the idea of helping kids in that way. The problem is I am not sure if my CP will allow me to do it. At this point it seems as things have been getting worse and doctors aren't really sure why. Can I really become an OTA or is it a dream that is way to far out of reach? How can I help a child if I am just as disabled as they are? Opinions please!

My other option I was thinking about was becoming a special education teacher...but its just thought at this point.

oh and my legs feel better today. I can stand on them, still a little wobbly but better.

Angela

Music is love

Best weekend Ever!! So for people that don't really know me I am a total music freak. A rock chick to be exact :)

My best friend Sheri and I went a concert to see two of my favorite bands Mayday Parade and Breathe Carolina. I love being at a show. No one cares that I am disabled. No one cares I walk funny, hold my hands funny or lose my words sometimes. I spent my night jumping up and down and singing at the top of my lungs. I felt free and like me!!

On to other news I need a new job...nanny job is ending soon :(

love and Hugs,
Angela

fall = cold time for me

I love fall weather, totally not a fan of all the germs around here. Since I started back in school I have been sick every other week. Bring on my plastic bubble please :) Currently I think I have an ear infection. Not sure I want to go to the doctor yet, may see if goes away in a couple of days. The next time I go to my new doctor I am going to talk her about how to boost my immune system, other than just taking supplements, cause I do that now. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

So I never reported about my new doctor. Her name is Dr. Ene. She is a doctor and professor and deals with adults with CP. She seemed really nice and had a lot of ideas. One being counseling. She says that she can see I am having a difficult time with my disability and that it might help if I had someone to talk to. She asked me if I thought I would ever find someone to love me even though I have a disability...I told her no and she said I was wrong. Sometimes I don't tell people I date that I have CP, I just pray that they don't notice I walk funny or always have my hands in fists. Makes me sound really pathetic doesn't it.

The doctor increased my dose of Baclofen. She says that it will take about six weeks to take effect. So far I see no difference, its been 3 weeks. Baclofen also makes me sleepy, so I am not a fan. She also mentioned a surgical procedure that would but a Baclofen pump into me that would allow me to inject the medicine directly into my spine. This is suppose to make it work faster and keep it from going into my brain, which makes the side effect of sleepiness go away. The idea of surgery scares me, so she said there are a few other medications I can try before then. Opinions on this are welcome.

I can't wait until I have a break from school. Its not until December, but I am counting down the days.

Love and Hugs,
Angela

um...is it friday yet :)

So its been a week since Urijah was born and went to heaven. I think my nephew took a little piece of me when he passed away. His mommy and daddy are very strong and tell his big sister about him daily. Grandma misses him a lot, we talk about him daily in out house. I am afraid I will forget him and that scares me. I hope that never happens.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my new neurologist for my Cerebral Palsy. I left my last one when he told me I had CP to just give up and deal with it. I am not one to have a pity party but sometimes it really sucks to have CP. I am hoping the new neurologist has ideas to stop my seizures and can help with my muscle pain. We will see...I will keep you posted

My OT has ordered me, my resting arm splints so I will be wearing those when I sleep starting Friday. I laughed and told her it was a good thing I sleep alone, those babies could do some damage if I hit someone in my sleep. LOL! Hopefully they will help my hands straighten out from their lovely fisted position and allow me to write and type easier and longer without pain.

School is getting really hard..We have a test everyday almost and my brain just doesn't process all this information all that quickly. I don't get any assistance for my disability, because I am to prideful as awful as that sounds (picture your 3 year old in that I can do it myself stage...yep I am still in that stage, thank you very much). I am starting to think I might need some extra help or a tutor or a new brain...hell I don't know.

Friday is my day off...so if anyone can make it friday already that would be awesome thanks!

love and hugs,

Angela